Stress and Family Leadership

People seek help at The Family Service Center during periods of personal turmoil. During such times individuals and families are more vulnerable to developing emotional, relationship, and even physical symptoms. They can come to see these problems as beyond them or bigger than themselves, feeling swept alone and unable to influence the circumstances they are faced with. They are more likely to blame themselves or others and see events as outside their control.

Emotional and relationship difficulties do not emerge in a vacuum and problems do not exit within the individual alone. Despite the age of the "sound byte", in which complex human problems are often described as having singular causes and answers, such difficulties are not simply the result of defective genes, a biochemical imbalance, or faulty parenting. A number of factors are usually involved.

Emotional turmoil can lead to poor decisions or the avoidance of difficult decisions. Family members can become more isolated or emotionally reactive to one another. The family can shift from being a resource to becoming a source of stress. Distance, conflict, depression, anxiety, and substance abuse are all more likely to develop or intensify during such periods. These problems, of course, add to the turmoil asnd confusion the family members are already experiencing.

Change begins to occur when one individual, who is as invested in the family as in self, begins to make a determined effort to assess and some of the issues contributing to the turmoil. When such a person can gain more objectivity about the factors influencing the problem, can get beyond blaming and attempt to understand their own part as well as the that of others and at the same time begin to clarify their own responsibilities and priorities, the family begins to make progress. When a family member is able to do this without becoming distant and without telling others what to do, they become a resource and a leader in the family. Others also then begin to address the difficulties more thoughtfully and to see options not previously apparent.

Leadership entails the ability to see strengths, without denying the problems. It involves directing one's energy toward changing self rather than others. Just as anxiety and fear are contagious, so too are calmness, and better functioning. At Family Service Center the approach is one of engaging the families, and the problems they are up against. When the resources of the family can be tapped, their problems are seen in a different light and new options emerge. Change begins to occur.